Deuces.
That’s basically what this mom-of-six chucked as she left for a long overdue girls’ weekend away.
But not before she wrote her husband a hilariously brutal letter about what to expect when looking after the brood on his own.
“Dearest Husband,
I’m writing this to you out of love, not fear. I wanted to go over a few things with you before you embark on this weekend alone…with the others,” Meghan Oeser’s letter begins ominously.
“Upon arriving home after work, things won’t seem so bad. The others will hug, jump, and for the most part, be pretty excited to see you. This will be short lived…I promise. School season or not…this is also known as hell hour.”
In the letter, which has been shared more than 100 000 times, the mom advises her husband that “dinner will suck.”
“Bailey will want pizza, while Harper will ask for hotdogs. Quinn will cry when you say the word hotdog, and will insist on Mac n cheese (but not the orange kind or the white kind, but the purple kind).
“We’ll be fresh out of the purple kind, so she’ll then ask for toast. You’ll already have started making mac n cheese for Penny, but since she heard Quinn ask for toast, she’ll also want that toast.
“You’ll end up tossing the Mac n cheese because Bailey got the stomach flu 5 years ago after eating the orange kind, and Harper prefers the white kind.
“You’ll also forget about Harper because her friend Lily “unexpectedly” stopped by, so they went ripsticking down the street. Everyone will eat cereal for dinner, and Lily will come inside for a bandaid.”
While she suspects he’ll probably want to sit down at this point, she warns him against this.
“It will get quiet…REAL quiet. This is when you’ll realize that the threenager has fallen asleep somewhere. Do NOT let the threenager fall asleep. You’re basically f***** if this happens.
“She will be wide awake until at least 1:30am if you’re not careful. Given your 9:30 bedtime and 5am wake up, this is less than ideal.”
As for pajamas?
“F*** pajamas, the mom writes. “Don’t even ATTEMPT anything but a nightgown for Penny. And if you cannot find a nightgown for Penny, keep f****** looking.
“She’ll ask for her Minnie Mouse nightgown, but once you put it on, she’ll scream in agony because the sleeves are CLEARLY ripping her f***** arms off. Just find her Elsa one. Chances are, it’s dirty as shit, but so what…so is she. I can’t remember the last time I put soap to that one.”
Naturally, it gets better at breakfast.
“Ha! Just as fun as dinner…if not worse,” she writes before telling him to lather, rinse, and repeat.
“I’ll see you Sunday, she concludes the letter.
“Oh, also…just incase you wanted to get ANYTHING done this weekend…good f***** luck.”
Read the rest of the letter below:
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